Co-regulation: the power of safe connection

Co-regulation is the process of calming, soothing, stabilizing or energizing ourselves and our nervous system through safe enough connection with another person (or even an animal). It’s relational. It's the way babies learn to feel safe and soothed by looking into a caregiver’s eyes. In fact, infants rely entirely on the attuned presence of caregivers to regulate their nervous systems and while it is foundational in early development, co-regulation remains essential throughout life. As adults, we co-regulate through relationships—whether it’s a calming friend, a warm hug, or the supportive presence of a therapist.

Remember the last time you had a rough day.  Imagine a friend comes over, sits beside you, and gently says, “I’ve got you.” You don’t need to explain anything. They’re just there, steady, warm, and present. Your own breathing slows as you take in that support. Your jaw softens. You start to feel a little more like yourself. That’s co-regulation. (And if that friend brings snacks? That’s advanced co-regulation!)

In therapy, we use co-regulation all the time. The relationship itself becomes a source of nervous system safety. As a somatic therapist, I’m paying attention not just to what you’re saying, but to the subtle cues of your body, breath, tone, and presence. I’m bringing my own regulated nervous system into the space—because we feel each other, and healing happens in relationship.

Co-regulation is essential for healing. Safe, nurturing relationships provide a mirror to our internal state and help the nervous system shift toward regulation, especially when we can’t do it on our own. It is not dependency—it's a biological need that helps rewire our nervous system and lays the foundation for developing true self-regulation.